A few weeks ago, I lost an important member of my community, to cancer. This is the second time this year that I’ve lost a dear bright soul, taken far too young. Maybe it’s age, or yoga, or meditation but I am really mindful of how grief feels, in my body and heart. The truth is I feel strangely resilient and at peace. Instead of grief at their loss, I feel mostly an abundance of love and gratitude to have known them at all.

Part of me feels guilty for feeling almost – happy? It’s like I did not love them enough or that I wasn’t close enough to them. And even though I know comparisons are often a source of suffering, I can’t help but note that there are many, many others who cared for them more. Other who are more worthy of grief and I wonder:

What’s the right amount of grief? The right amount of suffering?

I don’t have the answer. I suspect both my friends would be a bit embarrassed for the number of tears I have shed, touched but mostly embarrassed. Which got me thinking about if I die.  Here are some of my thoughts for when my friends feel sad that I am no longer physically with them.

  • Read my stories and novels
  • Tell the people I love that you love them.
  • Tell a story from that time when we… (Please also delete all digital records)
  • Turn on a cheesy song (rec: Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You) and dance
  • Make Art
  • Make Love
  • Do Good
  • Be you, be the best you that I love or that you love

That’s all. That’s enough. Sending love to my friends, in this life or another. Grateful for your love, light, and inspiration.

Ave atque vale.

Resilience – Dealing with loss and grief
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